I Know you are Having a Hard Time also and My prayers are with you, this Angel is also watching over you. I hope you get the good results as well, I know how hard it is waiting that makes two of us.

Just know that I am thinkin about you As I have always said "Breast Cancer Patients are soul Mates for Life"

I will be Practicinglucky4ursake, and My space is Full of HOPE.

Read Lesley's amazing story on her space, there is a link for her space on my practicinglucky4mysake space. it is one of Inspiration, it took great courage to write and she has a miracle baby to show for it because not only did Lesley go throught Breast Cancer she was also Pregnant at the time, and told not to continue with her pregnancy but she did and she has been doing just Greatttt.

Keep it up Lesley. This is just a Bump in the Road, I know it's hard not to think the worse but you have so muchsupport here, use it, talk to your friends that are here for you. ONLINE support is was got me through a very rough year. A very well planned trip you have coming up is a very good thing and well deserved. good you I wish you all the best. Wouldn't it be so nice to be free of all the worry of tests and results and waiting and, and, and?????

This kind of says it all, the worried look on this angels face and the arms around her breasts, shows the fear of the unknown and like she is saying "no more!!!" I think that's what it says to me and a picture says 1000 words.

I luv angels but if you look close at facial expressions and things in the background of these beautiful pictures you see alot more than the beautiful angel.

JUST MY OPINION means nothing. huh!!

When Lesley first made me a Breast Cancer Tag and believe me right away it had a special quality, but to me the fairy looked worried but Lesley said "no, that is you and you are sitting on top of the cancer bracelets which symbolizes that you are on top of things" and when I looked at it that way, wow- that siggy *signature picture-part of you - took on a whole new meaning, then other people with space causes started wanting the same type of banncers but you can't top Lesley's because it is the Original idea, it shows the worry I know what Lesley was trying to say, she didn't want me to worry, that's the last thing she wants me to do. She knows what its like thats for sure, she is the only one I talk to on spaces that has been through breast cancer that I know of so far.

Now I have no communication with Carolyn my only person who understands doctor talk, she should have been a doctor (funny thing that's what my family always said about me, because when the doctor ever said anything about my health, I always read til I was blue in the face, this was pre-cancer days, and the same with my kids always felt I had to get to the bottom of things),Carolyn understands my feelings so much I swear she is in my head half the time, I really do, she is so thoughtful and understanding and only 22 years old wise way beyond her years, and she does want to help people in this life, I just hope she knows what a wonderful job she has done in lifting my spirits each and every time I have talked to her or recieved an email or any word from her, she is like the sunshine on a rainy day, just brightens up my day, I hate to see her hurting and she is, but she is very young and I hope that all this hurt will pass and she can finally be happy at some point in her life, I know she will be because she is so deserving of happiness and harmony in her life, it will come but after everything she has been through it is gonna take some time, its not from lack of trying, she is a trooper and missing her mum just keeps getting to her, and I can understand that, she was so young and so were her sisters and what a confusing time that was for all of them, I know she will make it though. Cause tiggers like to bounce and this tigger is gonna bounce back, you will see, Now there's my good long time friend Maria :) my long time dear dear friend she is always there for me always always no matter what is going on my life she is there, If I was coming to Toronto tomorrow she would meet me for coffee she is so sweet that angel.

She Had a very special Aunt that passed away and did a very special blog with the poem from Helen Stein "Bend in the Road" I asked her if she made tables and that was after several attempts to look at spaces I was very new, Maria taught me almost everything about the space there is to learn she certainly taught me how to put the pictures and how to show your space so that is eyecatching. It is her artistic spark that attracked me to her space and her friendiness of course she was so easy to talk to and she made me that table with the poem in it and I will never forget that day and thinking yes this is all this is

"A Bend in the Road" and she has really helped me to think positive many days. When all that I can think of is when am I gonna die, or I wonder how long I have, or I wonder if I will ever see grandchildren???

That is a biggie for me? I luv babbies but I am sorry, I am partial to my blood and I can't wait for my kids to have kids and I really don't want to miss out on that, that is most important to me right now, I wish they would hurry up, or I hope I last 4-ever that would be even better.

I had a 5% chance of my cancer coming back so if the odd's are even 5% for remission than I think my odd's are pretty good. Wouldn't you think that way at this point. I have put my type of Cancer on my space now it's called DCIS its not even classed as a Breast Cancer it is a pre-cancer that they take out of you because they have no way of telling who will get the invasive type of cancer from this and who won't, well pick me. (they did, those nasty little cells, I got them all out, but one was sleeping all these years from what I understand and just woke up now and decided to spread, nice one.

I could have had a good insurance policy I didn't know that. It's stage 0 at the time, but I had all the same therapies as someone with a stage 2 or 3 cancer just no chemotherapy, because the cancer is localized. It was so hard to understand and still is, my cancer was in the ducts and when the breasts are gone so should the cancer be, but when it came back the second time it came back at a higher grade. I just found this out. I had no lymph nodes removed until I decided to have bilateral mastectomies because it kept coming back as pre-cancer but cancer non the less, and the surgeon kept telling me it was a very controversal cancer, but I wouldn't die from it. I will never forget him saying I wouldn't die from it. It's not an invasive cancer therefore, the DCIS stands for DUCTAL INCARCENOMA IN SITU no the way it was explained to me is the IN SITU means localized so its not invasive meaning stage 0 and no lymph node involvement so, no chemotherapy and no test on the lump and no tests period except take it out and have some radiation in case (this I just found out) some cells escaped before surgery the first time meaning the initial lumpendectomy,which is what they are saying happened to me 9 years later, then my cancer after my lumpendectomy came back not more than two years later,and that is when I decided to have my breast removed because I seen for myself in the pathology report signs of LCIS which is LOBULAR INCARINOMA amongst other scarry things that indicated to me invasive or fast growing cells, but not to them, so I wasn't playing games, I did some research and said enough is enough, I have had enough of these little surgeries and they told me the radiation was just something to try, not something that would work, in the notes they said to each other I was a complicated case and that was enough for me, I said take them off, and then there will be no cancer in my breasts at all. I went to two surgeons of course for opinions one told me to get them off or this would come back and "bite me in the ass"

That is the one I hired. She was such a nice doctor, I learned alot from her, she gave me all of my records when all was said and done like all doctors should and she did alot of fallow up, I even went back to her for a referral for my reconstructive surgery. She set me up with a really nice reconstructive surgeon in London Ontario, At London University Hospital, What a Great Learning Hospital and a Great Place to have to stay should you have to stay in Hospital for anything, everyone was excellent there, I was there for eight days after a fourteen hour surgery and every single doctor I see now says they did a wonderful job, as a matter of fact the new Pain doctor said to the new nurse she was training that I have the body of a teenager, what a nice compliment that was? too bad I didn't have the shape 25 yrs ago you know, now I don't have the energy to do anything and I have to say my daughter's clothes fit me real nice. I can wear anything now. I wish I could before, weight was always a big issue with me, up and down.

My weight has been up to 180 lbs when I had my reconstructive surgery it is now 120 lbs and holding and that hasn't been easy.

I was having severe pain and unexplained weight loss and they didn't see that as a sign that my cancer was back I was so mad when I found out, that Pain was the Cancer going right through my left side, and Its a terrible pain I can't even explain that pain, and I couldn't to the doctors either I went to so many pain specialists because I didn't want to be on any type of opiates and that's exactly what they were pushing Morphine and I hate the feeling on that stuff, just hate it. Bad enough I will never feel normal again, I don't even remember what that is like, and now I don't know if I am just plain sick or if its side effects from the medications they are giving me.

I hate this but the alternative is not good either, it's been ten years this month August and I do have something to celebrate, its called living. I plan to do just that.

The start of this whole thing I was a mess, I couldn't talk all I was doing was thinking and thinking, couldn't shut the mind off for nothing, I was listenening to relaxation tapes like there was no tomorrow, just days prior to that I was into my good old rock n roll, I was like day and night in that one week, and then this went on for weeks because tests that were suppose to have been done years ago to make decisions now were never done, and they had to give me meds by flipping a coin it seemed and I wasn't liking it after being told I was terminal, and being hooked up with hospice and pallitive care, not just cancer care anymore. Oh and a card for my local Cancer support center which closed down because it was built on a commercial zone. I couldn't believe the luck I was having, none at all. I didn't even want to buy a tv when it broke the same time, I thought what for? I don't watch it and how long am I gonna use it? Do I really need to waste my money on a stupid TV I was thinking??

Talk about total shock, it went on for about two months like that, staring into space all the time just thinking and thinking what about this and crying boy there is no end to tears I can vouch for that.

I have to thank my friends here who have stuck by me when I have gone for my tests and my surgeries and my results and everything and always such nice comments as they wait patiently and very positively for the results and keep my spirits lifted. I can't thank you guys enough. and I know you know who you are.